Why do we self-sabotage? Sometimes figuring out why we are not moving forward means looking at why we are not taking action. Join me (JB Glossinger) today as we get this week started by discussing why you self sabotage and how to stop it.
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[00:00:13] Good morning and welcome to Morning Coach today. I am so glad you’re with us. As you know, my name’s J.B. Glossinger and this is your personal evolution system, the place to get your day started right. Welcome, welcome, welcome. And we are ready for an awesome week here as we’re getting organized this morning, Monday morning, ready to take it on.
And if this is a first time listening, welcome! If you’ve been with me for years, welcome! As you know, you can get this energy every single day on iTunes. You can get it through our apps, our mobile apps which are Android and iPhone and Windows Media Player or the other places we’re at. And, as always, you know, a subscribe or review, those things help us get this message out there, and I appreciate it. But we’re here to give you energy every morning. That’s what it’s about.
This Week’s Schedule
[00:00:59] And this week, got a big one planned. We’re going to be talking about why you don’t do what you should do. Why do we self-sabotage? And the last couple of weeks we’ve really been working on attitudes to run to get into this idea and help you get through that. And so, that’s what we’re going to start with today. Tomorrow, got a great story for you on our Personal Development Tuesday here. We’re going to talk about Two Men and an Oyster. It’s a fun story. Don’t miss it. And it is the 22nd, so you know you’re going to have a great day on the 22nd. That is my lucky number, is my lucky day. It’s my old football number. I use 22 on everything. Just a little fun thing we do here at MorningCoach is the 22nd is always fun.
The 23rd, which is Wednesday, we’re going to talk about dealing with uncertainty. How do we handle that? It’s our Metaphysical Day, getting into the depth of that. On Thursday, we’re going to talk about the dangers of comfort, when you become too comfortable and how that can hold you back. Friday, we’re going to get into our Prosperity and Abundance, but we’re going to talk specifically about this idea: “Is money a motivator?” And that’s a big question a lot of people have, and I’m going to address it on Friday. Saturday, we’ve got Defeating Confusion in our Systems Day. What do we do when we’re confused? Well, we’re going to talk about that. And then on Sunday, our Spirituality Day, we’re gonna talk about rediscovering faith. So, really big week.
[00:02:18] We’ve got ILD into Week 6. So, module 6 is up. For those of you that are rockin’ it with me, that’s a self-paced course. You can do it at any time. So, you can catch up or just kind of work through it as you go. Getting a lot of great feedback, some awesome comments in there. So, that’s great. Module 6 is up today, so you can get going on that. And also, just a quick note, I do have one coaching opening up. So, if you’re interested in working with me, just go to the site MorningCoach.com. Go down to the bottom and you’ll see, now that’s where the navigation is, and it’ll say “You need a coach?” Just click on there and fill out the application. We can sit down and have a discussion to see if we’re a good fit.
Why Do We Self-Sabotage?
[00:02:57] So, let’s get into today. Pumped about this one. Why you don’t do what you should do. Thinking about that. You know, why, why, why do we self-sabotage? Well, the first real reason about this is, and you hear me talk a lot about this on Morning Coach because it’s so important, is the lack of purpose or the lack of desire. Right? If we don’t have a desire, if we don’t have the the purpose to do it, we’re, we’re not going to do it.
And so, what I always say is, get a big reason why you’re doing it. So, if you’re, if you’re going to have an objective to write or to, you know, put a book out or to, you know, start a business or to move forward in your career, you’ve got to have a really, really big reason why. It can be about you, could be something inside of you that you need to do, could be about your children, it could be, you know, there’s a thousand things, you know?
What Drives You?
Everybody’s got different things. But you got to have something really big that’s driving you. You’ve got to have something that’s pushing you forward. And we’re going to talk about this on Wednesday. Or Thursday, I’m sorry, when we talk about the dangers of comfort. But a lot of times what happens is we get very comfortable in our life and we lose the desire because we’re comfortable. Right? And in fact, you know, that’s the way the system works. So when you’re an employer and you’re employing people, you want them to make enough money that they’re comfortable, but not too much money that they go out on their own. Right? I mean, that’s really the way the system works. And so, people get really comfortable, and they lose that desire, or that passion kind of, kind of goes out.
[00:04:26] So, we’ve got to make sure we’re constantly checking our “why’s.” If we are not doing what we should be doing and that causes a lot of stress and anxiety because we know we should be doing things, then we’ve got to really reaffirm the “why,” and look at, you know, what’s going on. Why are we, why are we not doing it? Are you using self-sabotage? Our comfort level is so important to understand because a lot of times where we are is our comfort level, and when we start to move outside of that, we self-sabotage to come back to it.
And it’s a scary thing if you really think about it. Because if you’re kind of not feeling good and you don’t have really good energy and you’re just frustrated, when you start to have good energy and you start to feel good, that is not your natural state. So, we tend to go back to our comfort zone which equates to self- sabotage.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
[00:05:11] So, how do we battle that? Well, one of the ways we battle that is to know what’s going to happen. That you’re going to get uncomfortable and you’re going to start to feel different, and when that occurs, you’re going to run back to what you, what feels good for you. And so, you’ve got to get used to that change. You’ve got to get used to that feeling.
So, when that occurs, you move up to your next level or to that next comfort level instead of going back to the last one. Right? So understanding is such a big part of what we do here at Morning Coach. Just being aware of how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling, both of these two areas can change everything for you because now, all of a sudden, you know why you’re doing something, and even if you question it, “why do I need to do it?” Right?
Get the depth of knowledge so you know, and now, all of a sudden, you start to recognize your comfort level. Well, your comfort level is where you’re currently and then where we’re going to go to the next step is taking you out of that. So as we move through that level, we’ve got to understand that, that we are going to sometimes self-sabotage to go backwards. And what’s scary is, more than likely, it’s the majority of the time if you feel you’re not doing the things you need to be doing. Right? If you feel you you’re not doing what you need to be doing, then you’re comfortable. And we’ve got to disrupt that comfort.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
[00:06:27] Back when I was really just poor and poor, and you’ve heard my story about selling perfume on street corners, right? Back then when my office, after we had three offices and they were, we were selling out of the offices, if things weren’t going real well, I would actually sleep on the floor. And the reason I’d sleep on the floor was to kind of be uncomfortable. Because I think being uncomfortable sometimes is a good thing. Sometimes you’ve got to make yourself a little bit uncomfortable too to grow. Right? And so, that’s what I used to do. I don’t do that now.
My wife, Pilar, would be real happy with me sleeping on the floor and I could go down there with Neo. Wait, even Neo doesn’t sleep on the floor. He’s got these little elevated beds he sleeps on. But you get my point. We need to get a little uncomfortable. You’ve got to do some things that, you know, kind of disrupt your comfort when you are trying to move the next level. You feel things aren’t moving in the right direction, you just may be a little too comfortable, and we need to change it up a little bit.
Are You Chasing Butterflies?
[00:07:20] Couple other things. We’re distracted from our purpose. And this is a big one. You know, why aren’t we doing the things that we should do is because we’re distracted. There’s so many things that easily distract us nowadays. Especially with the computer and the TV and, you know, how good people have become at getting us to chase what we call butterflies. You know, if you think about opportunities, there’s a lot of butterflies out there.
And you go chase that one, oh there’s another one, I’m to go chase that one, and that one, and that one, and that one, and that distraction really causes you this, this stress or anxiety because you never really are doing what you should be doing because you’re chasing the next thing or the next deal, and you’re not really focused on the activities that are going to get you where you need to go.
Practice the Sacred Six
So, really practice the Sacred Six with this. If you haven’t had a chance to go back and reaffirm the Sacred Six, you can go through the course, you can read the book. But make sure you know the plan, make sure you know the direction you’re going, and don’t have more than six projects going on at any given time. And if somebody comes to you with a new one, step back and say, “OK, you know, JB says we can only have six. What am I going to replace here?”
Otherwise you’re just going to be chasing your tail like a dog does, and you’re just, you’re going to get into that zone where you start to self-sabotage again because you’re chasing everything. And I want you to become more of a finisher. That’s really what the Sacred Six is about is finish, finish, finish, and keep doing it. OK?
[00:08:42] Couple other things we’re going to go through today in order to get to this, you know, move past the psychology that that makes you not do what you know you should be doing, and that is letting your excuses take over. This is another big one. “I don’t have enough time.” You know, any of the excuses you make. You know, I’m, you know, “I’ll start tomorrow.” “I had a rough childhood.” You know, all those excuses that we make bring us into victim mentality. And guess what? Victim mentality does what?
Are You Playing The Victim?
Victim mentality allows us to self-sabotage. So, we’ve got to rise above our excuses. We’ve got to just, again, monitor these things. So, as I’m talking here, I’m, you know, I’ve discussed, you know, getting the purpose of the desire. Understanding the “why.” You know, knowing where your comfort zone is and where you’re at and where you want to go. Understanding the distractions that are in your life and being able to focus on what’s truly important. And then being aware of when you’re making excuses.
[00:09:38] Again, these are all awareness issues. So there’s one or two ways you can do this. One is the self-monitor and journal and understand where you’re at, or two, get some coaching so somebody can help you understand that “Hey, you know, your excuses are kind of taking over,” or “Hey, you’re distracted from your purpose,” or “Wow, we’re moving out of that comfort zone now, get ready for some change.” That’s what a great coach does is it helps, the coach helps you through these processes. And you can self coach, totally cool, you can come here and listen to Morning Coach.
But you need to be aware of where you’re at in these areas. You know? Do you have the “why”? Is it strong enough? Are you falling back into the comfort zone of where you’re at, and that’s causing self-sabotage? Are you distracted from the true purpose you should be doing? You know, are your excuses taking over? Those are the things we’ve got to understand.
Aim For Clarity
[00:10:27] And a couple of more. Confusion. You know, are you confused? You think you know what you should be doing and you’re not doing it, but maybe there’s some confusion. Maybe there’s some fear of the unknown. We’ll talk about that in a minute. But confusion can cause some problems. And we’re going to get into that Saturday on how we can defeat that confused, that confusion. I’m telling you it happens to me a lot. This is one I battle with. It’s like, “Wow, why didn’t that work?” You know? “I put all my effort into that. But that thing didn’t take off. Kind of confused by that.” So, we’ll talk about that Saturday, but that’s another reason that you may not be doing what you should be doing because you’re, just a little bit of confusion there, or you’re confused.
[00:11:05] We talked about Stoicism versus spiritualism, yesterday. One of the reasons you may not be doing what you should be doing or you know you should be is that you become a little stoic. And sometimes when you become a little too stoic and you don’t get emotion, you just give up. You just say, “OK. That’s enough. I am not ever going to get there again. So I’m not going to let it get too emotional.” So that’s where I think Stoicism comes off as, you know, it becomes too much when you’re too stoic. Right?
Drive And Ambition
And so, we got to make sure we have drive and ambition, and Stoicism sometimes pulls that away. As long as we are aware of it. OK? As long as we’re aware that you’re just not saying, “Screw it. I’m done.” That you’re saying, “OK, this isn’t working. I want to get back to my Sacred Six and work my plan.” OK? But that’s one of the reasons that we do that is because we kind of just, mentally we become apathetic. And that’s, that’s one of the fears of Stoicism is that people become apathetic. And we just got to watch that or, again, manage that.
[00:12:02] Couple of things. Maybe, you know, you just lack ambition. And this can be. And, you know, maybe you took on a project, and it just doesn’t make you, you know, you’re just not excited about it anymore. You know, you decided to write a book, and you just can’t get it going. You know, I’ve faced this. I mean, I’ve got, I’m not going to make any excuses, but I got a lot going on, we’re restructuring some stuff, I’m keynoting more, getting out there. But my fiction writing is suffering. You know, in my World of Dante which is my book, and what I’m building, you know, has been really down. And I need to get back at that, you know?
Be Awake In Your Own Life
And I’m not going to make any excuses. But I haven’t… I don’t really have a big “why” and I haven’t been fired up to do it. You know, I’m all in on Game of Thrones. I love it. I’m a Dungeons & Dragons guy. Having fun with that. But I need to get my world built. And it’s coming. But, but the ambition is lacking. Right? So, sometimes we have the lack of ambition, and we need to get that back.
[00:12:50] And then, finally, the one that I was talking about earlier is uncertainty. And uncertainty, you know, we’re going to talk about this Wednesday on our Deep Day, but it can, it’s this constant flow of doubt. You know? What if it doesn’t work. What if the effort I put out there, it goes a different direction? And this is where, we talked about yesterday, spiritualism is so big because, you know, for me, I just believe that the greater good is conspiring for me.
Awareness is the Key
So, I don’t worry about uncertainty. Uncertainty can be a huge reason for self-sabotage. Because there’s this constant flow of doubt, and you don’t know which direction to go. Right? And we will get there sometimes and that can get scary. And so, we’ve got to just be aware.
[00:13:40] So, the key was self-sabotage and understanding why we don’t do things is to be aware of what is going on in our life. And that’s my job here is to wake you up, to help you kind of see the light and see how things can be different and give you some direction in order for that, so that you could open up to new ways of thinking and also new ways of living your life, so you can get it back on track.
It could be the fact that, you know, if you feel a lot of stress, you don’t feel things are working, that you do need to go back and kind of redo your Sacred Six and get your purpose and your mission and your values and your goals together. Because if you just find yourself on the kind of that treadmill of life, and it’s not working, then you’ve got to step back and do something a little bit differently. OK? And I could help you do that.
[00:14:27] And like I said earlier when I started, I do have a coaching slot open. If you’re looking for some private help with me, then just go ahead and go to MorningCoach.com and click on the bottom and fill out that app and then we can talk about that. So, I’m here to help you. That’s what we’re doing. So let’s keep putting this great energy out there. Let’s keep it going every day.
But today, the homework for the day is just be aware of how you’re feeling, what’s going on, what are your desires and your purposes, where you are at today, so that we can bring you to that next level and get you there. All right? So, I love you. I do. Get out there. Have a phenomenal day, and I will be back with more. Got a great story for you tomorrow, so don’t miss it. And we’ll keep rolling right here on MorningCoach.com.